Today, I am in New Haven, Connecticut
in a coffee shop next to Yale campus, because M. is teaching his first guitar lesson
to his 6 and 11 year old students.

Yesterday, I went to West Hartford to visit K. in her misery.
Wednesday morning I woke up to a coughing fit in the guest bedroom at S.'s parents house in New Jersey.
S. knocked at my door at 7:45 to tell me he was leaving for work, and gave me a hug goodbye.
At 8 his mother entered the bedroom tell me that she had left towels out for me to shower.
Finally at 10:30 I found the will to leave his house. I thanked his father for the family's hospitality.
S. gave me a free lunch at his work.
Everything seemed like it had been before, except for the very obvious.

M. was depressed that I was staying at S.'s house Tuesday night.
Not out of sheer jealousy
but because it reminded him of how close I was to S.
and how he had inadvertently put an effective end to my past relationship with S.--
a good and special relationship, M. has inferred,
from the way I speak about S.
A relationship that M. wants to have with me, but he can't
because of my very present feelings that I still for S.
no matter how hard I try to swallow whenever I am with either of them.
So M. feels very outside of my life at this point
and I could not say anything to convince him of otherwise
because it was true
except for the fact that everything takes time, especially the good things.